Managing relationships in difficult times..
The world faces a crisis at the time of writing this note. The pandemic outbreak of Covid-19 now affects some 190 countries, large numbers of those populations have been infected, and people have become terribly ill and tragically an unacceptable number have succumbed and died.Population centres have been shut down and restrictions of every kind have been imposed by the government with one specific purpose, to stop the spread of this deadly disease.Our amazing front line troops in this war are our medical support professionals, our essential services providers and the countless numbers of selfless public servants who keep our countries running.
So, what are people in love doing and how are people in challenging relationships coping? A time of crisis is the great leveller. It is a time when the true values, support and love of another human shine though. I see acts of kindness, support and love all around me, but I know that for most everyone these are indeed difficult times. Sadly, some relationships will not survive the challenge. Here are 5 conversation starters in times like these: 1. How are you Coping? Forget about yourself, real love is selfless. Your partner may be putting on a brave face, but deep down may not be coping in the current environment. There is no substitute for a hug. In these times, three common concerns seem to be on everyone’s mind. One is health and catching Covid-19, another is how our extended family and friends are coping, and the third is the economic impact that this situation is having on our national economies. How is it affecting you, your life and your love bubble? Irrational thoughts, isolation from routine, fear of the unknown, media hype and a general feeling of helplessness can all create a level of anxiety which affects moods and temperament. So how do you cope? TALK, TALK, TALK… Talking about the things that are making you feel vulnerable and asking your partner to also open up is a great start. Knowing their vulnerabilities will allow you to ensure you do not press buttons. Everyone’s vulnerabilities are different so don’t make them feel a need to be defensive and don’t belittle their feelings. Rather give them the support to see the rational side. Give your partner an open invitation to open up to you and be open to understanding their point of view and vulnerabilities. 2. Mutual Nurturing Just as trees require sunshine and water, love also requires certain nutrients to allow it to grow. So, I suggest mutual nurturing which can be undertaken by simple acts of kindness, affection, or just showing that you care. All of these actions will bring you closer. Write a little note and put it under her pillow and tell her how much you care. Draw a picture of a flower and give it to her. Tell her that you love her, and you couldn’t make it through without her. Play lots of soothing beautiful music. Have romantic candlelight dinners. Make room for fun and spontaneously make each other smile, laugh and feel special. 3. Time and Space Time and space are the only two real luxuries in life, therefore, allow your partner to have plenty of private time where they can retreat into their own shell to recharge their spiritual batteries. You don’t need to always be talking to one another, silence is soothing and relaxing so be conscious that a great relationship is one where silence is just as comforting and wonderful as communicating. Be conscious of giving orders and being ordered around. When you are in forced home confinement don’t feel it is a time to get things done necessarily. Use it as a time to reconnect, relax and let things be. Understand what each of you need and try to give that to each other. If that is space then give them space, if it is hugs then indulge them. 4. The whole family is here to stay… If you are living in a family with children or you have extended family this is perhaps one of the most difficult situations in the current climate. I would suggest you have a structured day where children are involved. A shared and mutual leadership role in your home with a fairly structured program should be enforced. This is to keep your sanity as much as it is important for you and your partner to feel supported in the values you are teaching your children in these unusual circumstances. Maintain a perspective, we will see this through and having this experience as a learning experience for your kids is also relevant to their future outlook on life and appreciation of their health and freedom. Some things that I recommend is agreeing on a way to communicate so you are not shouting orders all over the house throughout the day. If you have teens you may like to set up a group family chat where everyone can chat together, share funny things and where you can communicate to them, you will certainly get a response as we know how much that generation love their phones! Make it fun, it will take the stress off things and will also ensure the whole family is informed of important things like “what’s for dinner!” and “time to set the table.” 5. Give the social media a break... take your hand off it! Having written a book with one of its most compelling themes being the power of social media in communication, I am extremely experienced in the art of communication via this medium. But I have learnt this, texting often only communicates 20% of the meaning. So, if your partner is literally in the room next door, don’t text her unless it is purely for fun. Try to live for 24 hours without access to social media. Obviously, this does not include work related commitments. If I am any sort of judge you will go into withdrawal within 20 minutes and like a junkie you will need your fix of Face Book, Twitter, Instagram and House Party. Test yourself, resist the urge and try something completely different. Listening to an audio book or podcast, read a novel…. Burnt! It is so simple to use unusual circumstances to build more love and appreciation for the people close to your heart. Relax, do thoughtful things, be relaxed and create a sense of fun. That goes for EVERYONE. So, if you are someone who is more highly strung, use this time to learn how to let things go, meditate or listen to relaxation podcasts. Find time for one another and be spontaneous. Walk hand in hand, give her a great shoulder massage while you chat in the hallway, have a picnic in your garden or on the balcony. Read books snuggled together on the couch under a big blanket. Take a moment to appreciate how lucky you are no matter what your circumstances, you will always find something to be grateful about and don’t forget to smile. Never give up on love JD x JD Watt, author of the book “BURNT”; the shocking true story of a woman’s deception and a man’s broken heart, is a divorced, devastatingly handsome, affluent single 51-year-old professional. He lives in the wealthy Eastern Suburbs of Sydney Australia. He is also a blogger giving his advice on love, relationships, sex and dating from the perspective of a middle-aged guy having learnt so much from his decade long search for “the one”. Intelligent, established, sophisticated, cultured, honest, kind, loving, generous, tall and handsome, JD is every woman’s dream. He offers advice on relationships and how to read the signs, so you never get “BURNT”. JD believes in love and so should you. BURNT by JD Watt (2nd Edition) is available on Amazon, Kindle and independent online Booksellers globally. Download or buy your copy today. JD Watt is not a psychologist or therapist; he bases his advice and opinions on his own life experience. copyright © 2020